Monique Zamora

About three weeks ago Andy got confined in the hospital due to pneumonia.  She must have caught it in school, from a classmate ora friend. I don’t know. But one thing is for sure, once she gets that sick, I die a thousand deaths as well.

We paid quite an amount after about two days of confinement alone. But you know what, PhilHealth or the Philippine Health Insurance Corporation actually implemented a new scheme. I already got about 50% off the bill but what we found out was that since there is a new policy being implemented, almost the whole bill is actually covered.

Wow! This is new. I know this is helpful, but I still pray that Andy doesn;t get sick anymore. That’s wishful thinking, but I am praying.

Need I say more?

I have been in the rut recently.  I have felt so down.  I think it is almost the same the last time, especially when I came back from my vacation.  I mean, feeling low after the “high” of the vacation. Now, it’s an ultra low after a high at work. Maybe it’s a circle… one time up there, everything seems to be falling in place and then the next moment, bang! You’re so down there… *sigh*

Now that the end of my contract is getting a bit clearer by the day, it seems there are more and more obstacles cropping out.  One staff quitting on me, pressure to hire for the project, etc, etc. Am I really gonna quit now?  I am getting afraid each day… But what am I really afraid of?

My biggest fear is not being able to get out before it is too late.

This is solely a  personal point of view of what I have seen of people who have gone to work outside the country.  Not those who have migrated, but those who have stayed and probably opted to just be an overseas worker.

The moment we, yes, including myself, receive the contract that we have been waiting for our heart and mind thank God… and then our minds begin to ran as fast as it could of what we could do with the money that we will earn.  I cannot stop thinking about what I can “give” my family once I begin receiving the salary that has been promised. Sometimes even to the point that I could even sacrifice myself, I can live without many things just so my family’s needs can be met.

True, many workers actually live so frugally that one can even hold back buying for himself just so they can send money, worse, get their children luxuries that we actually know they live without.  PSP? Wii? Xbox? Laptop? How about a Blackberry or an Iphone?  The status that we think would buy our absence from their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I have experienced hardship. I am no stranger to living from “hand to hand”.  My mother was the only breadwinner when I was young, I have a younger brother and a sister.  We practically lived on whatever my mother could bring home.  Maybe we were luckier than others.  But I tell you there were times when the electricity company would come in order to cut our supply because Mama had no money to pay our overdue bill.

I remember being in the 4th or 5th grade, or both, when every Saturday I would go to the fish market and sell fish so that we could have extra food and I’d have additional lunch money. It was a hard life.  I vowed my daughter would not go through all those… But at what expense?

I want to get out… I want to be with her… But I also want to be able to provide her with a better life. Better than what I had then.

But at what cost?

Three years ago I had reluctantly accepted an offer from a company in Dubai. I was hopeful. I had planned so many things to do… Let’s see, that was a vague plan then. I had 3 years to complete the contract. Counting it all, it was probably not such a bad idea. I was/am still young. If in case I did not like it I would still be relatively young to go back and try my luck again.

When I came in to Dubai, surprise, surprise, recession struck! Oh well… What can I do. I was already in the midst of it. Had they decided to release me, honestly, I would have gladly accepted it. Seriously. I guess fate has a different plan for me. I stayed on.

Fast forward. Almost three years and I am about to finish the freakin’ three year-deal. The past three months, whew! Honestly, roller coaster. I had more than I had wished for, asked for. I was given tasks and tasks and tasks that I know I could do (and honestly will also complete) but it actually overwhelmed me at times. I am more than glad. At least it made the past months really pass by so quickly I cannot complain. It’s like a blessing in disguise.

And then I discovered so many things that I can actually do. Again, I am not complaining. Not the least bit.

Even some friends saw something in me that they had to say, I must be staying after all these. Well… I still don’t know. The roller coaster ride isn’t really over. It’s still on. It may still be on for the next 8-10 weeks. That’s not too long right?

I am convinced, yet again, to watch Korean Series.  I used to love one way back… Lover’s in Paris. Who did not fall in love with Vivian and Carlo then? Then all of a sudden there was an upsurge of Korean Dramas in the Philippines. I didn’t watch or really got hooked to so many. Once in a while I chance upon one or two good ones. But I don’t think I am that hooked now as I was then.

This year I got to watch and finish Baker King, Or I think it was more popular with others as King of Baking Kim Tak Goo. Now, well, the title is too western I suppose– Scent of a Woman.  First two episodes are pretty boring. But my friend said once you get past it, it’ll be better. It better be! It’s hard to watch and read at the same time!

Part of the story line is being sick with cancer and you only have  six months or so to live.

What if you were given that short a time to live your life?  What will you do?

It made me think. Being this far from my family… What would, can I do?