Monique Zamora

Need I say more?

In ten weeks or so there’s going to be some change in my life. After my 3 years contract here in dubai I am or should I say, should be getting ready to come home. That was the plan, wasn’t it? Try it out here. See what is in store for me. See if I would like working outside the country and then decide.

After my first year, honestly, I was raring to go home. I didn’t like it at all here. I was bored half if not most of the time at work. What I was doing was a complete departure of what I did back home. While I had tons of responsibilities then, I was suddenly faced with day to day tasks. So menial that I simply had to complain. I wished for this right? I mean, when I was working in OPS majority of what was required from me were yet to be implemented. Sometimes will be used to make decisions… Some days then I had wished that I had a more routine and daily – “see-able” job. Something which at the end of the day I would see my output.

That’s what I got when I went here. I had that for more than a year. Maybe two. I wasn’t happy. At first it was something like a novelty. It’s something that’s so easy. But after doing this for more than 2 years, I know I want something bigger.

You can’t be satisfied with yourself if you’re doing something that you know is too easy. Satisfaction is superficial. I am not saying it’s bad, but I have to say in my heirarchy of needs, well, it’s something that is so down there. My satisfaction is something which challenges me more. My feeling of satisfaction would be more appreciated, if that’s the right word, had it been a more challenging task.

Changes in my tasks the past 5 months had me up my toes. As I have said in my previous entries, I had been challenged so well I felt as if I am back in my earlier years in nc. No, I don’t hate it. I love it. But it also means I am challenged with my decision whether I have to go home or stay here. I hate this situation.. Or do I really?

Change is good. Change is always good.

I’ve been pretty roughed down lately. Must be the stress at work among others. It’s not really a very bad stress If there is such a positive stress. Weird me.

Past entries, I’ve mentioned that I have been “running”, always it seems. Start upto the end of the week. Some days, I don’t want to end. Well, that’s not just about work. It’s more of a personal thing too. I want to finish/ complete things, as many as I can, as wide as I can, I will.

When I go home and try to rest I would end up thinking what to do the following day to make the previous pale in comparison. Really, I like doing that. It’s like a challenge for me. Call me crazy, it’s the insane part of me. This makes me me.  I read, I read a lot. I read to learn, I read to pass the time.  Before I would actually immerse in fiction/ pocket book readings. I still have several on my bookshelf that needs to be opened. It’s building dust now. Most recent, I read about things that would help me be better at what I do. It encompasses different areas. And sometimes I get confused. Well, it’s me, anyway.  And part of the reading is coming across some very interesting video. I like this too much.

Why can’t we be remarkable?

I wonder what others actually meant with the saying, “When I am good, I am very good, but when I am bad, I am better”.  I think I must have gotten it, finally.

I could finally say, “When I am good, I am very very very good. But when I am bad, I am better!”

Yep, there will be an answer.

I have so many questions. What if? IF not, how then?

But I guess there comes a point in your life

when you have to let go, and let things be.

There will be answers in the coming days, months, maybe even years.

Or maybe, it just had to happen and you have to accept it.

There is still a light that shines on me. I’ll just have to let it be.

Let it.